I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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