I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
