I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
