youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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