They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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