I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
