i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
