You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
