This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
