Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
