Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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