I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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