I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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