I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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