:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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