She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
