She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
