i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
