I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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