this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
