My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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