I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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