Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Randomize