I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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