Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
