Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
