Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
