Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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