just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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