My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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