I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize