420 ftw
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
