there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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