If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
