i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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