Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
