I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
