is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
