someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
