mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
