Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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