sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
