how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
