hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
