My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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