UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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