HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
