My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize