How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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