Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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