White coat. Heels.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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