Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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