hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
