every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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