I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
