i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
