On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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