I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
