Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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