Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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