Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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