beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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