i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
