I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
