I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
