If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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