ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
