I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You may now shotgun with the bride
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
