Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
