Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
