I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
