another moral hangover. fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
