1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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