Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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