what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
