i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
