So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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