yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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