Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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