glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
