This is not my ceiling
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
