then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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