My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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