so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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