please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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